A Flower Never Compares Itself: Addressing the Skinny-Culture Trend

If you're like me and you are a woman, or just a human in general, you likely grew up with multiple different media sources, other humans and subtle nudges to change the way you looked from a very young age. You were told or even programmed to believe that you were either too much or too little of something. Your thighs are too thick, your waist isn't skinny enough, your boobs aren't big enough, your outfit isn't trendy enough or doesn't fit in. On and on and on. This rhetoric is something we have been forced to live with since birth or even before. Little did I know, even before I was consumated and growing in my mother's womb, she was doing things like restricting her caloric intake to 900 calories a day on top of running and working a 12+ hour shift as a pediatric nurse. It was ingrained into me before I ever had a chance to make a choice whether or not I liked myself as exactly as I am or if I felt like I needed to make a change for some reason - be it personal well-being or one motivated by an outside source.

What frightens me now, as a 39 year-old women, is the fact that, "skinny culture/fat-shaming," has, without a doubt, crept it's way back into our lives and minds over the last year or two. Without realizing it, I have begun putting myself down for eating a cookie. I have cried to my partner about my 5 pound weight gain (this seems counter-intuitive, as most people are always "more fit," in the summer, but if you know me, you know I thoroughly despise summer in the Midwest - heat + humidity is my torture). I have sook out affirmation from outside sources about the way I look. I have begin working out twice a day some days and not fully listening to my body and what it actually needed. It's as though I have reverted back to my 22-year old self that became obsessive about weight, food and how I looked to others.

However, the great thing about being 39 and not 22 any more is that I have gained wisdom and compassion for myself over the last 17 years. I know that how I look will never measure up to how I feel or how I make others feel and experience life. This first became apparent to me when I started rock climbing at the age of 23. I finally began to use my body fully for how it was intended to be used. I was also using my body in a supportive and judgement-free environment. It gave me a space to make friends and develop connections with people from all different backgrounds and walks of life. It allowed me to connect with friends who would introduce me to adventures all over the city, country and world. It truly is the catalyst for loving myself and my body for what it is. Now, I will say. that climbing is not void of or absent from its own culture of overtraining or undereating. This is something I learned as I got further into the sport, but, at that point, I was able to make a choice on what mattered most to me. I asked myself, "Do I climb because I want to get better and achieve the highest grade possible of being climbed without actualy being paid to be a pro-athlete?" or "Do I climb because it makes me feel strong, is a form of meditation with the earth, is a challenge I enjoy and connects me with some of the most hilarious and wonderful humans I have ever met?" Obviously the later is what I decided.

I hope to be able to shed my, "almost 40-year old widsom," to those younger than myself who I see struggling through the challenges of trying to just walk through this world without being mean to yourself. It's probably why I have essentially dedicated my career and lifestyle to being outdoors. Because going for a trail run, or a mountain bike ride, rock climbing, backpacking or etc, doesn't just mean "burning calories" to me. It means connecting with this incredible Earth we have been blessed to live on. It not only challenges me physically (which growing up as a 3 sport athlete, I love), but it actually forces me to slow down and assess everything around me. It allows me to be present in the moment. It is not something I can ever control - which I believe is a powerful lesson many humans need to learn and relearn: the lack of being able to control anything they want. When people say doctors are increasingly recommending, "time in nature," as a cure to anxiety and depression, it's because of all the reasons I listed above. (I do believe MDs need to be recommending, 'Nature RX,' with the caveat of turning your phone on airplane mode or leaving it behind completely - if you feel safe to do so). There is magic in our world that cannot be seen unless you are willing to fully be present in the exact moment with all sense and feelings connected to exactly where you are. Will those feelings always be "pleasant" or "comfortable?" not necessarily. But, honestly, that's the whole point: to put yourself in a situation that you cannot control 100% and to feel uncomfortable while being fully disconnected from screens/wifi/internet. It's how our ancestors lived for thousands of years - why would we not want to connect with that? Especially knowing that so much of stress and anxiety does come from our obsession with phones, keeping up with the Jones's and just feeling like we are enough in this world.

Skinny-Culture may be trending, but you don't need to let it influence you. Take a moment to write down 5 things about yourself that you love that have nothing to do with your physical appearance. While participating in this activity, I can almost guarantee the process of thinking through things you love about yourself will bring up wonderful memories and might even encourage you to reach out to a friend or family member. It may encourage you to look up your next adventure destination, start planning for it or even book the trip. When we remind ourselves who we are on the inside and how much we have grown while existing on this Earth, we remind ourselves what life is really all about: love, connection, joy, presence and adventure. At least, that's what it does for me. I hope you can be inspired to love yourself a little more today and go use your beautiful mind and body in a way nature always intended it to be used: moving outdoors and noticing all the magic that truly exists when we stop for a moment to notice.

"A flower does not compares itself to the one next to it, it just blooms." Zen Shin